The holidays are upon us, and most people are contemplating what they’re thankful for. As they reflect, they will share their gratitude with others. But for many women, accepting gratitude and appreciation can be tough. Women often downplay, deflect, or distract from their accomplishments when praised, a habit often borne out of low self-esteem or for fear of seeming arrogant.
This refusal to accept recognition and praise has the potential to hurt women’s careers. As it is, women are receiving less credit for their work than men, according to research from New York University’s Madeleine Heilman. The number of women in executive positions pales dramatically compared to men: women only make up 19% of executives in the C-Suite.
The ability to accept recognition isn’t the only barrier to gender equity in the workplace, but this holiday season, it’s a good place to start. By examining the ways most women avoid praise, we can gain a better picture of why they do so and how they can stop.
“I could have finished it sooner”
“I actually messed up the end”
When coworkers acknowledge a female employee’s success, her first response is usually to explain why the feat wasn’t that impressive. The impulse to put oneself down comes from the need to display humility. Many women fear appearing conceited, but self-deprecation does more harm than good for their image in coworkers’ eyes. Women who don’t project confidence and self-worth are less likely to be considered for promotions or leadership roles.
“I had a lot of help”
“I couldn’t have done it without my team”
Studies have shown women tend to be more collaborative than men; however this team-based approach is no excuse for women’s tendency to divert praise. When women receive compliments for their work, they frequently try to spread the wealth by including their peers. While the urge to share credit and recognize teamwork is commendable and often necessary, when women actually doexperience success on their own, they should own it. Nobody will give you credit if you don’t give it to yourself first.
“You also did such a great job”
“I actually preferred your part of the project”
Sometimes when faced with praise, women react by turning the praise around; rather than saying thank you, they reply with a compliment as well. Doing so distracts from the woman originally being recognized, turning the focus away from her accomplishments and efforts. When women compliment each other it’s common to reciprocate, but in the workplace this technique gives away credit women should be claiming.
Accept the Praise
In a workforce where women are still paid less than men and offered less professional development, there’s no reason not to accept recognition for hard work and goals accomplished.
The next time someone compliments your work, say “Thank you,” then stop. Don’t hedge, and don’t couch those two words in qualifiers or deflections. If this is difficult, say thank you then force yourself to count to three before saying anything else.
If this approach is too blunt, try simply saying, “Thank you, that means a lot coming from you,” or “Thank you, I appreciate the kind words.” Receiving praise without making any excuses shows co-workers their opinions and feedback are valued and that you understand your own worth as well.